"It's like you wake up everyday, and you realize...'wow, we're one day closer to saying good-bye.'"
I remember when I first found out I was leaving, and I told my daddy. I looked into his face for the first time in a long time, and saw him crushed. It was like I indirectly broke his heart. I'm really going to miss the ONE man who has never walked away from me. He's taught me everything I know. I love him, and he's taught me love. It hurts coming into the house or waking up in the mornings because it's like the closer we get to Thursday the more that look on his face gets harder to see. I really am going to miss him. I think you all NEED to know that I'm terrified, and that I'm scared out of my mind, and that I'M GOING TO MISS MY DADDY.
My name is Michelle Engelke, and I'm seventeen years old. I love Jesus, and I'm scared out of my mind. I've get peace. This is right.
I know that I'm spoiled, and I have more that I will ever need. I know that. I don't know what else I really have to say. I'm in love with Lauren's cd's. They are beautiful. Track number seven made me cry, but in a good way. And I love the way you title them. Haha. You're adorable.
God's provided me with friends that I'm so pumped about coming back to. Like Tay and Jess, and then of course I'll get to see my George again. It's neat. I love how God is so much bigger than we could ever imgine. You know like I've dreamed a while now that I'd be able to leave the country, and it's like God put that in me...and He's giving me the strength to get myself up and go do it.
And have you ever thought that sometimes the people in your life are there to make you who you are? Like without certain people you wouldn't be who you are? Like for instance, Billy Graham. He wouldn't be who He is today if someone didn't invest time into him, right?
By the way, to the people who've taught me and invested in me, I've not forgotten you at all. I'm honored that you've taken time to spend with me. I hope that even it doesn't seem like I remember who you are, you'll remember that I really listen to every word you say. If you don't believe me, ask HIM. He knows I listen, even if I'm pretending like I'm not.
God is such a beautiful thing. He's big all around me. I hope his bigness doesn't become small. I think it might be. It was the biggest blessing I've had in a while going to the dentist...that is. My cavity was wayyyyyyy worse than they thought, and they had to drill alot. But then they still got it all out, and they didn't have any complications at all. They could've had to do a root canal once I got to Germany, and God spared me that. God please don't let who you are to become little to me. Stay huge. Please. I can't go on without YOU by my side.
"Just as God wait patiently for us to be ready, I have been waiting on you. It had to be your time or it wouldn't have meant what does. I miss you, love you too. And I'm so proud of you." -Mom.
All I have to say to that is Ezkeiel 36:36. God doesn't leave relationships broken, and relationships aren't easy. Life is about waiting. Have you thought about that. You're waiting as a child to be a teen-ager, and then as a teen-ager to be in college. Then it's like you just want to be in love, or once you're in love you want to be married, or then you wait to have kids. It feels like that's just what we do. We wait until we get there, and the we wait again.
Timing is right, and God's timing is so much better than just timing. He's timing is perfect.
Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for.
I'm so scared, but I've got so much peace. A good friend prayed over me to be encouraged by the people around me. Such a beautiful prayer. I've been encouraged over and over again. It's all God.
I've got so much more to say, but I've got to just sit. I might cry, but it's just because I'm a girl, and that's what we do. I'm really going to miss everyone here. Source stories when they get here, mkay? I love you all. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment