An awkward account.

I've been wanting to run into you for quite some time, you know, just a casual, " hi how are you?" kind of run in. But today when it finally happened, I realized that the sarcasm in your face and on your lips would never be the same as the days we use to spend together. The words we spoke today were the first in quite some time. Something like six months or so... how can people go from such a personal relationship to something so distant and cold? A relationship that use to be filled with laughing and dancing and singing has now only been replaced with confusion, bitterness, and a small sense of hatred. How can something like that be? You will soon be two years older than the day I met you, and now I don't have the slightest clue about you. Some how, even through the muck, the bitterness, the "unfinished business", there is still a connection: One between you and me...a history....

My heart is broken because of the way things have turned out. You and I, we well we'll never be close... not again. It's feels like something, some where deep inside, has almost died. Like something is missing. Life has many reasons for the things that happen in it, and sometimes it's simply because there needs to be distance. Maybe we just need to have some kind of distance, but how long can two people, who lived together for a year, who became family... how long can there be distance? How long can the broken memories be there? Your accent is almost gone in English, and I wonder if you understand things... deep things in English.

Things were obviously never meant to be that we would keep contact to each other. You'll be sixteen soon... so happy early birthday. "I wish you well," as has been said so many other times. I hope you love Southaven as much as I love Lage, with the exception, that I hope you not only want to come back and visit... but have people to come see. I hope you get the chance to come back, the chance to love something...somewhere more than words. I really do wish you the best.

Michelle

"Missing someone is the hardest part."

I have just recently started helping in the German II class at my school, and I am thoroughly enjoying myself and the funny questions I get from my peers. I know that most of you know that I have my days of being a little homesick from Germany... today has been one of those days.

It's been a while since I've talked to many of the people I use to see and talk to daily. As I said when I was there, "It's just too hard to talk when you're so many time zones apart." There is a slight truth in that statement, but in all honesty, it comes down to the desire and will the person or person(s) has.

I miss Germany and the German people that I called friends and even some that were as close as my own family. There is one thing that doesn't make complete sense to me: If I was given Germany as such a wonderful time in my life, why do I not have the contact to people that I deeply desire? Life goes on is such a simple resolution to that, but it is deep and I don't think I truly understood the word "miss" until I came home to America, and I truly, deeply missed people, ways of life, places, and such. I still don't feel like I am home.

"Ja, ich weiß es ne geile Zeit und es tut mir Leid, es ist vorbei.... es ist vorbei.... es ist vorbei..."