"Brothers, or michelle..."

Brothers, and have you completely forgotten this word of encouragment that addresses you as children? It says,

,,My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord diciplines those he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child."
-Hebrew 12:5-8

This past week has been full of mixed emotions, and the lack of reading my Word. I let myself be distracted by something that I was warned to pray against. And sure enough when I let my guard down, and stopped waking up to read and have some kind of alone time, I was hit hard. I take blame for my actions because it has been something I have watched completely unfold before my eyes; I saw it coming.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. -Romans 7:15

We were all hanging out this weekend and the situation exploded all over me, and then I made it worse. I'm being vague so my heart is protected, and because the details don't really matter in this situation. It's the concept that matters more than anything. Does that make sense? (That's a Phillips line.) I was then hanging out when the question was prosed to me by a fellow Christ follower. She didn't know my deep struggle, and just found out today. All she said though was, ,,What are you doing?" It hit me, and brought me back to reality.

We and another girl sat and had our Sunday bible study this morning, and my heart was and still is blessed by just being able to be vulnerable and transparent with these two GIRLS. I was able to tell them both my struggle, and they were a beautiful picture of love and grace. They told me they loved me, and as hard as it was for them to watch they knew I needed it to happen just like it did this weekend because it put me back in my place. We sat and read verses for an hour and then prayed over eachother, our families, our host families, and personal situations. It was outside where everyone could see us, and for some reason that was encouraging.

They loved me in the midst of acting a fool, and reminded me that I don't really want what I was seeking and persuing. This is a continuous journey, and I blessed and honored that God gave me both of these girls. They are an answered prayer.

To those of you who have been and are praying for me I'm humbled and greatly encouraged that you are. Pray for the hearts of my guest family and for mine too that we'll become a family and that we'll communicate in the good and bad. My personal goal this year is that God will fill the desires of my heart. I will look to Him for my self-esteem, for love, and for comfort.

I'm excited for the journey to come, and the destination when I finally get through the journey.

Thought for the day:
Love is not a fight, but something worth fighting for.
And!
Ich brauch ein Freund nicht.
(I don't NEED a boyfriend.)