Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Not a lot happening.

Well I'm finishing up my next full month in this new country that feels so much like home to me. Oh, I really think I want to come back sometime in my college career. How cool will that be if I do get to come back!

Sad thing is life is just life. I don't really know what to tell you is happening. I know that everyone wants to know how I am doing, and what I am doing, but the truth is life isn't much different than at home in the States. Yeah, okay it is, but what I mean is that I have a routine here, just like back in good ole Miss'ssppi.

I get up, get ready, go to school, hang out with my friends, and joke around. I ask way to many questions, and always make way to many mistakes in German. I am not so good with my talking, but I have learned that giving up isn't an option. I want to be completely fluent, and so I am determine to master this language. (Even Germans sometimes mess up there speach.) Yeah after school I go home, eat, and then if I have a club or something I go. Every night at 7:40 I watch Guten Zeit Schletten Zeit with Doris and Maike. (That's a GERMAN soap.) And I do my homework somewhere in between all of that.

So life is stable. I am making friends, that I am hoping to have for a very long time. I love this place, and I love these people. I love this language even though it kicks my butt.

I guess the newest update is that I with my parents help am trying to help my host sister be an exchange student next year. She's adorable, and hopefully if everything works out with all of our countries and paper work, she will be living with us next year. I think everyone involved in the process is starting to get their hopes up. If God is willing, I really would love her to come. That's two years straight living together. Ha.

But we get along just fine. :)

Yeah. I struggle with the same things that I always do.... as I was recently told: I am a girl, we struggle with that. Ha. Talked to mom and dad both this week, and it was good to hear both of their voices.

Wanting to live for the Lord.
-Michelle

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Two pizzas, two very hungry people, and one homeless man.

Today was a day I spent with Caro. I am so excited to say I do have a winter jacket that is very warm. Janet, I want to tell you that I have been shopping wisely looking for warm clothes, and today I bought no short sleeve shirts. I feel proud just because I know you are smiling. I finally have a head, and am using it. ha.

After a morning of trying on clothes with things too way too small, and coming away with no skirts, Caro and I were so hungry we decided to get something to eat. So we wondered through the city looking for food, and then we found something that smelled so wonderful. Of course, it was the best pizza in the world... okay not really. It was good though with water to drink.

So we're walking through the city to go and find a good place in the park to sit and enjoy our food, but before we got there we passed by a homeless man. And guys, I did exactly what the Bible tells us not to. I looked over at this man, and looked quickly away. But not only did I look away quickly, I looked away disgusted at this man.

So I went along and we found a great place to sit, and we were eating and we were sitting there and eating. I guess I was just sitting there with a blank look on my face that many of you know. Caro snapped her fingers, and ask what I was thinking about. We talked for a little bit about going back home, and about how I am so different now, and how I'll be more different in 8 months. I looked up at Caro in the middle of a sentence and said, maybe you'll think I am completely crazy, but I can't eat this. And she ask, "Why not? You're hungry.." And I said I can't eat the rest of this when I know he is hungry.

I know this isn't German, and I know that all of the people will probably say things, but I just have to do this. Caro, knowing that I am always really thristy, she gave me her water.... I just said I've got to give this to him too. She said, "Okay let's go."

We did discuss the thought of what if he only wanted money for drugs or alcohol, or something, and we decided that if this was just a pose for cigarettes or pot or something that he'd tell us that he didn't want the cigarettes. So we continued on our journey to talking to this man. I ask whether I should, "siest" him which is basically in English say mister... So she said... Sie. (Mister).

So we walked over to the man, and I asked this guy if he was hungry. And he said yes. And I gave him only two pieces of the whole pizza I had. And then I went on to ask, are you thirsty? And he said yes. And I gave him Caro's half empty bottle of water, and then the thought of loving other people more set in my heart and my head. I kept saying I want to give him a whole pizza, and a whole bottle of water.

Friday, September 25, 2009

So give up, or are you ready to do what you came to do?

That's the question I keep asking myself. I love this place, these people, and this city. But we all get frustrated with different things in our lives. Some with cars, others with people, and others with food. Pick your thing. In every situation there is always something new to handle.

I was on twitter because it's a site that not many people have me on. Somewhere I could totally vent, and then I came acroos this from Louie Giglio: "For us, Passion = the degree of difficulty you are willing to endure to accomplish the goal. (Think Jesus on the cross)." And it really made me think. It's time to stop being a baby, deal with life like an adult, and push through. This is my ONLY year to live as an eightteen year old in Germany. (For those of you who are worried, I haven't become stupid with my decisions.) But really. Didn't the Lord call me to this place? Didn't He promise to never leave my side? Didn't He say He would quite my spirit when all is in chaos? Didn't he promise safety and heath? I believe He did promise these things.

Not to say that He promised these things with an easy year, or to say that He promised everything to go perfect and be perfect. That isn't the case. He never promised that. He never said I would have a place to lay my head, or a that taking up my cross every day wouldn't sometimes wear me out. He never promised that my cross wouldn't get heavy. He just said to do it. "Take up your cross, and follow me."

I will continue to serve, and to love these people in every way I possibly know how. I ask God to show me ways to show these people love. I will continue on this journey. I will not give up.

It's like when I am riding my bike about two miles to the church on Thursdays or Sundays. My legs are burning, I have trouble breathing, my peadling isn't as fast as when I first started, but I can see the street light. I can see the street I have to turn right on to, and then it's flight, level ground. I pretend I am three, and still watch Thomas the Train. I really do say " I think I can I think I can I think I can" in my head until I have made it up that hill. I make my turn, and the keep going until I get to the church parking lot where my bike get speed by itself. I don't have to peadle anymore. God will take control just like gravity and the force law from Phyics takes control on my bike.

Perserving and enduring what ever comes my way in faith in JESUS CHRIST.
-Michelle.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Refresh.

I am so honored to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. He gives us what we need.

I didn't realize how much of a break I really did need. How much I needed to just sleep, and dwell in the presence of the Lord. I am humbled that by allowing me to be sick, the Lord has given me the chance to just breathe His fragrance in.

He is calling me to things that are really out of my comfort zone, but is showing me the joy that He has in store for me. The Lord knows what He is doing. He always does. I'm just so encouraged just from hearing that my German is getting better, and from hearing that I am doing okay.


God, you are glorious. Isaiah 40 is beautiful. I am praying this for both of my countries. I am going to go down stairs now. I have been a bit of a loner today... I could spend all my time here in the presence of the Lord.

In Him.
Michelle.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I put on my application that I enjoy English and History.

But now I think that has changed. I'm not sure what I want to major in yet still.... and maybe God's plan to place me in another country was to show me how much I didn't quite realize about myself. Maybe that sounds crazy.

I'm okay with sounding crazy. I'm okay if you think I'm completely loonely, but the fact of the matter is this: I love that I can for the most part understand a language. Adore it actually. Maybe when I come back home I will not only continue my journey in the German language, but maybe start a new voyage with Spanish. It is a world language also, and then maybe I'll move on to Chinese.....haha. Just kidding. I want to master the German language first, and then move slowly into Spanish. And all I have to do to make Spanish fluent is go to Texas for a little while. Bahahaha. (Just kidding....kind of.)

I know for sure with two months here that international relations is my calling. I thrive on this, and on the newness. And I am always amused by the culture, but who wouldn't be. I am starting to see how much I adore children too. Don't get me wrong, I knew I enjoyed kids, but I thought that was only from always trying to make money. Boy was I wrong. I get such a joy from see new life and God's beautiful creation. It makes my day.

I'll keep searching for what God wants in my life, but I know that kids and languages are two of my greatest passions. And of course being in the center of God's will is the biggest goal I have, and not only being there, but staying there also.

So, so far in this journey: it's Jesus, then kids, and then languages. My three greatest passions. And now I just need to get after things, and finish homework from last week. (I was sick. Don't think I was just slacking.) The Lord is the God of the Universe. He sustains me even when I don't think He's here. How cool is that! He shows us what we need, when we need it, and strips us clean of all the unneccesary things in our life. And He takes us to different places to show us what He wants our lives to be about.

Taking His LOVE with me everywhere I go,
Michelle.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

You live in Deutschland.

I have to say many times I have been discouraged, but never as discouraged as this week has left me, and when the going gets tough....I still have confidence in the Savior and lover of my soul. I have the confidence to say that I still love Him. And not only that, but that He is still moving in my life.

I haven't written this week partly out of being apathetic, and partly out of not having the time...and partly out of quite frankly being completely lazy. I'm not at all sorry for that. I'm not sorry that I am human, and that I get tired.

I wasn't in my Word this week as much as I would like, and I can say I have personally suffered the consquences. Every time I would open my Bible it would be over idols, and even in teeny it was about living only for the Lord. I knew that I had a problem because, honestly, I didn't want to be in my Word. I hated reading it because everytime that I did, it made me squirm like a little kid two years old who has to go to the bathroom really bad and can't hold it.

So a day that I had been counting down to for quite a few days was finally here, and was all that I hoped it would be. Well to a certain extent. Instead of being completely focussed on why the Lord has brought me here, I was focused on other things. And I got hit upside the head with the most famous question I have had this week which is, "Do you believe in God?" And the next one to follow, "Are you religious?"

After being asked if I believed in God yesterday, the lady looked me straight into the eye and told me, "I believe we came from monkeys." My heart was completely broken. And then I was asked if I believed in that "Adam and Eve" crap. I was really excited though because at this ladies house we were going to watch American television, and then I remembered why I stopped watching so much American television. It's absolutely filthy. I was discouraged by what I was seeing and hearing, how I was acting and coveting things I didn't need, and on top of that just how dark this country really is set into my heart and head.

Last night I think I cried myself to sleep for the better part of an hour. Even today I can say that I wanted to give up, and just throw my towel in. Not go home, but just not worry about why I was called to be here and that is to love every person I encounter. I have hated my calling, and tonight asked why this was my calling.

I woke up this morning and went to a church in Lage, where Caroline goes which is where i attend teeny also. It was a blessing. We were in Romans chapter 5 verse 18. Which shocklingly is about Jesus and Adam. Read it. It'll blow your mind. The pastor said, while looking directly at me, "When someone asks you what you believe in, you don't say Adam. He doesn't always provide you with what you need. But you say, Jesus." Of course this really touched my heart.

So then I was coming in the house when Rolf told me that I have a girl coming to visit me from the organization. The only girl that I knew was close was Kate, who is also a fellow believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. And sure enough I was cleaning my bathroom when I saw the car pull up, with my beautiful Kate sitting in the front seat. I was stunned.

So in the midst of absolute discouragement, not being able to contact people from home, and the like... God provided me with everything I needed. A morning of correction of what to say I believe in. A time of encouragement from a fellow believer in Christ that I have known longer than 3 weeks. And a time to get rid of my "idol".

Then after all of that, He still provided something great. People here who love me, and will let me cry and tell them that I just need to talk. Rolf mustered with everything he could, "I love you, Spunky." And honestly that is EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. I still wish it could have been from that knight in shining armor I call, Daddy. But you know, I know that my dad is always there for me. What I didn't know was that I have people here in Germany that love me too.

My calling is not in vain, and even though sometimes I feel as though I should give up. I shouldn't keep going, God proves me wrong. He gives me early birthday presents with lots of lessons inside. My calling is to go where ever the Lord leads me, and to love every person I come in contact with. I know that I will not ALWAYS be loved in return. I was never promised that, but what I have learned is God knows what we absolutley need. I needed love; verbal reasurrance that I could hear of love. And the Lord took care of that by giving me a Rolf and a Doris.


The Lord is good.
My name is Michelle Engelke, and Jesus Christ is my Savior. He satisfies my soul.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Lead me to your heart.

There I will be satisfied. There only. "Rid me of myself, I belong to you. Lead me to the cross!"

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." -Psalm 4:7

There is something wonderful in hearing that you are beautiful and have no flaw from anyone really. But it's never enough from just a person. Friends tell you all the time that you are beautfiul. That your hair looks good, that you look cute, oder so.

But when you hear that from your Creator... there is nothing more satisfying. It's love; pure love. It's a cry from my heart deep inside that I long to hear. I have gained weight. My clothes don't fit very well. My skin is a face full of nastiness. Make-up doesn't cover all the blemishes. And still in the midst of that, in the midst of me being human and having blemishes and weight gain my God still finds me "beautiful with no flaw."

There is something great waiting for this city. I believe that with all of my heart. "Greater things have yet to come from Lage, Germany." My heart is overwhelmed with how beautiful the Lord is in this place.

Praise God for who He is. For the way he really does have our world in the palm of His hands.
Living this journey
-Michelle.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A little glimpse of Heaven tonight.

You see I went to youth group (Teenie) tonight with my friend from school, Caro. (She is total sweetness..) I know makes no sense. Sorry.

Anywho, back to the moral of the story. (sorry bubs) Okay. I go into this church, and all these youth kids are hanging out just like the amis would back home. Wie toll. Caro sings in the youth band, but she warned me that tonight was all auf Deutsch. I was fine with that. And then I heard the sound of a gutaare, and a voice say please stand. Such a beautiful thing. But the most beautiful part was when I heard what song we were singing. As I have just heard the song tonight in German, I of course sang auf English.

Where is the glimpse of Heaven in this?
You see when we are in Heaven we will all be together. All the different nations in their native tounge singing praises to God. It was just as Heaven you see. I in my native tounge, and they in theirs.

Where is the blessing?
The blessing was just being in Germany, a nation cold to the heartbeat of God, and still seeing that He moves here too. That there are people here just as in USA who are called to the ministry, and who radiate the Lord's presence from across the school yard. The blessing is here a forgien language ( my second language) sung in praises to my, no our God. The blessing is not having words to tell you the blessing of it all. The blessing is understanding all of the sermon in German. The blessing surrounds me, but I can't convey it to you.

,,Jedes Wort von Die Bibel ist richtig. Kein mehr. Kein weniger. " -Joachim Klotz

"God is within her, she will not fall. God will help her at break of day." -Psalm 46:5

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalm 45:10

"Don't be afraid to stand out. That's how the lost get found... There's a really big world at your finger tips, and you know you can change it." -Britt Nicol.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Michelle, du musst nach der Stunde heir bleiben.

Ah man! I didn't say anything in class.... am I in trouble because I didn't respond to the teacher, and the class discussion? Am I going to be told I need to get in gear? Am I not trying hard enough? I WANT to say things in class, but I don't exactly know what or how to convey what I am thinking. Oh my heart is racing, and my thoughts are running. Oh, Lord, please be with me.


So why exactly are you here? Are you just what? You need grades or not? And then in perfect English he decided to tell me if I need help, just say wait I didn't understand what you just said. This is my Religion teacher. I really like this guy.

He then went on to ask me if I could in a couple months or so give a presentation on the religious aspect in America. What is the norm....my religion, and all I can think of that defines America's religious views. And then he told me that I could do this assignment in English. It was so so cool.

Then he told me that I would have to speak on the slower side beacause they learn britsh english not american english, and i promise you there is a difference. So he was telling me this,and he said actually i am an english teacher. and here in gymnasium you only have one year of american english and that is the 8th grade. then the truth was revealed....! He is a english teacher for the 8th grade!!! Whoooo. :) And he then asked if i was interested if i could come into his class during my free time, and just talk to his class about america.

I am radiating with just God's hand holding my life. He put me in that class with that teacher, who use to be a pastor, and I can share my faith with a class of 28 people. So freaking cool! Can't wait for updates with this one.

Doris made pflaam kuchen! My faveeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tschüss. :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I tried to tell everyone this would happen before I left.

I'm am sorry if I seem to be short with any of you from back home. It is not anything intentional. My responding shortly in few words was, in my thought process, better than not responding at all. So to remind you, I have 10 classes. Between three and four per day, and that isn't three or four like in America. That is double periods of everything that I have every day. And then I go home, and eat lunch. Where we then sit down with Oma and Opa for coffe or something. Then Maike and I begin or homework which because there is a thick language barrier I take a while longer doing easy assignments. On Tuesdays we then go from one place to another for music school, and choir. On Wednesdays and Mondays I tend to ride bikes and talk with Doris. It our way of bonding. And then on Thursdays I go to orchestra with Maike. Friday I do my own thing and go to Choir at the school. And then I hang out with friends, or we go somewhere as a family.

I again appologize that I have been short, but you have to bear with me. I am in a forgein country with a headache daily because I am trying so hard to understand things that I don't understand yet. You try having the equivilant of Holifield -Scotts class in German. Or for you Germans who might be reading this...everything you know...trying doing it English. I promise you think it's easy. But it's harder than it looks.

I know Rome wasn't built in a day, but you also have to realize that I am trying really hard to balance what is enough time corresponding in the broken English I have, and what is better for my head not to hurt here. Believe it or not, going back and forth from German to English or English to German right now gives me serious headaches. Sometimes I can't even convey how I feel.

But right now, I am astonished even though I said and said and said and said and said....(see how redunant that sentence is becoming?) and said and said that my correspondence back would be slim that you are acting like I should be calling and writing long messages every day. I am sorry that I can't sit down and write everyone. Or you everyday. But FYI, I don't message dad every day and have only spoken with him three times since I have been gone. I have responsibitly here just like I did in the States. I help with dishes, and watering the flowers, and doing hedges, and vaccuuming and whatever is asked that I can do to help.

Again I apologize, but I have plenty of stress here with trying to learn a new language. All of this will be worth it in the end, and me talking and thinking so much in English is hurting my head. I need sleep because I haven't slept well for a few nights. I do enjoy it here, and in the end it's like i told Rolf. All of the stress and frustrtation i have in school right now will be worth it at midyear when I can understand a complete siminar in German.

I have people here that I never would've met if i was here now. I am thankful for this new extention in my family. For the friendship(s) i am making, and for what the Lord is doing in my heart. But please understand why the blogs aren't long and why my emails are short. I am tired, and my days are long. Forgive me for this tagent also. It was needed; I really think that.