Ein gutes Gottesdienst. (:

Everyone has their days, right? Their days when they think, "Wait, how did I get here? ...or... Is this REALLY what I want? ...or... I just want to be in your will, Lord. I want to be okay with the calling you've placed in my life now."

If not everyone, I know about once every two weeks I go through the cycle of just brokenness and pain from being so uncontent with what the Lord has called me to. For saying, God I don't want to do this. When I think of this cycle I see a two year old who wants maybe a piece of candy, but mommy and/or daddy says no. The anger of how much they want it... they cry, and cry, and cry, and then they do something so beautiful, they reach up and look into your face with tears in their eyes. They are now crying out for you to hold them not because they didn't get their candy, but because their feelings are hurt.

Amazing. Sometimes, I feel the same way. God calls us to things in life that absolutely can shake everything in us that is human. AND PRAISE GOD THAT HE DOES! It is beautiful that God doesn't want us to live in the same place, and protects us from what we think is really good for us. Praise God that He holds us, even when He tells us, "No, you can't have that." He loves on us, and gives us the satisfaction of His love in replace of our desires. He loves us through our desires, and praise the God who loves me even when I get my feelings hurt. Praise that God.

I am proud to be a Christ following believer.
I still am sticking to my promise, and I am pushing through disappoint, loneliness, exhaustion, and being uncomfortable.

Determined to push through,
Michelle.

Just burdened.

My burden is probably from what I am not doing. I am not living a life of boldness here in Germany. I am so scared of what people will think: FEAR OF MAN, and I am so concerned that I will be looked down upon, or that I'll just be shunned for my beliefs, or for my views.

But something I am seeing is that here in Germany, it is so okay to tell people what you think. How you think to, or why you think it. People want to hear your opinions for the chance that maybe your opinions will change, but then I began to think.... if they want my opinions to change, could they also be looking for their own opinions too?

Could they be searching for what is true, and honest, and the real love that know one can provide. Maybe the reason I am being called to be stripped from so many things right now is simply because that is a testimony in itself.... a testimony that you can live a joyful and content life without alcohol, with out a boyfriend, without going to "parties." Could it be that this is no punishment, but it is making me look and become more like Christ?

I have been reading in Joshua recently, after recieving a blessing of a scripture from the first chapter. I really just see God showing me the boldness of Joshua, and the way people listened to him. But not just that, they way he listened to the LORD. The way he "fell FACEDOWN" from recieving the command of the Lord. I want to live a radical life like the life that Joshua lived. The humbleness of knowing that the Lord is there.

Lord, renew me. Make me clean. Let me serve and love people like you have called me to. Teach me to be the open and vulnerable person that you've called me to. God, let me walk in the freedom that I keep telling people about. When I am just scared to do or say something you've called me to, give me peace. God, I have the fear of man here, and I repent of that. I ask that you would show up in the middle of my fears. Lord, do with me what you want. Bring me to be the person that glorifies your name always. I repent that I am not in my word like I should be. Remind me that the Word is my defense in the middle of the struggle. Give me your strength to complete your mission, and the wisdom to know how to say something, when to say, or when to just shut up and serve. I claim that better things have yet to come in this city, and ask that you would begin to burn a fire here. Let it ignite, and I pray that you would keep it burning. Praise the Lord who saved me from myself.

In Him,
Amen.

Two years ago, I had no idea I'd be here.

Those of you who know me, should know me well enough to know that the title of this message isn't by any means what this blog is about. Sorry guys. I like to keep you on your feet.

So I just want to keep you all updated just with life, and having two weeks of vacation, and all. I am getting to know a new family this week because friends of the family are staying with us through Friday. I am making a new friend with a ten year old named, Kathrine. She is sweet, but is still trying to find her place in her life. I understand that because like her, I too, am the youngest child.

I met Kate's dad through web cam Sunday which was really cool. I am excited about something that I was told. "Not too many 18 year olds can articulate why they want to go to a certain school, but you did a very good job." That was just encouraging. Kate and I just got to sit down and talk about everything from frustrations to the best things we've come to find here in this place. God has blessed me once again with friendship from somewhere I didn't expect it to be. He is such a beautiful God!

I was in another Cathedral today, and I decided to light another candle. This time though, I didn't do it for everyone back home. I have decided that every time I see a candle thing in a Cathedral I am only going to light a candle if I have prayed over that city over that Cathedral over these people here in Germany. I saw a sign today that said, "Rette deine Seele" "Save your soul." Just praying that God gives me another chance on the opportunity I totally walked out on.

I am giving the Lord all of my thoughts. I want all my thoughts to be thoughts that will glorify the Lord of this globe.


I hope all of you know that when I come back I won't be who I was when I left. This is directed at no one. Just listening to a song, and it said, "don't ever change." That's impossible! And now that I am here I am letting the Lord mold me into the person He wants me to be, but sometimes I take control....and then like we have all heard I have to give it back to the Lord.

His plans are so much better. I love you all.
Bis bald.
:)

When disappoint comes, I promise to persevere.

Fall break has been a culture lesson after another. It has been exhausting, but so so much fun. I am honored to say that I have gotten to experience the way of worshipping Jesus in German. Really cool.


But it seems every time I begin to look forward to something, it gets pulled from my grips. I am not going to sit here and lie straight through my teeth and tell you that I am not disappointed. I had plans for tomorrow to see a friend of mine, and stuff just kind of came up. And well sadly we can't meet, but I know that in due time we'll see each other again.

And I know that lies in my head will come, but I am making a promise to you now. I am promising that right now I am going to persevere when disappointment comes my way. When I don't know what else I should do, or what I am just exhausted I am making a promise right here that I am going to keep my head up because at the end of all of this. At the end of these experiences, and at the end of being here in this new culture and experiencing so many new things I will be a stronger person. I will be able to say that my God is big even here in Germany.

I will be able to say that thanks to everyone that has helped me through this journey. And I will be fluent in German. I am honored to say that I have been in Germany fastly approaching 3 months. I am so very excited about that. A lot of me wants to stay here in this place. I really do love it here. It's a good thing it's only October, I've got too much to do and see. The Lord has more plans for me, and honestly I don't have a clue what they are, but I know that his plans will put me exactly where I need to be.

Sometimes you have to buy things just to find out that you wasted your money. (That's the thought of the day.)

Love this country. Love these people. Love this language. Still miss home.
Rising above disappointment.
Michelle

skype.

"I know that you are going to be alright. And you are going to come out of this in the end, and you'll look at me and say, 'Look I'm not being stupid any more.'"

-Robbie.

So encouraged. Time for bed. :)

Oktober...already?!

Not only is it October, but it's soon to be the middle of October. How fast years really do fly. Soon I'll be sending Christmas presents out, and waiting for the day to open and share Christmas in one house with all my family here. I just can't get over how much I love this place.

I found out that school here isn't over until July 17, 2010. I hate to tell all of you this, but I am so so sad to think that I have to leave before I am even through with my full school year here. But honestly school starts in Southaven just a week or two after that. It's crazy when you think about it. I'll be going to school for like a good solid two years, and if I decide to do summer classes when I get finished with High School then I'm going to be in class bascially for the rest of my school carreer. ha.

Today, Caro and I had a great talk about God's plans, and how we really don't know what is next to come for us. Both of us said it's always a possibility to move to the others country if that's what the Lord tells us to do. Now we're just sitting here, and trying to glorify our God while we're waiting.

"Even if you fall sometimes; He'll give you the faith to rise! When the world says you can't; He'll tell you that you can." -Kutless.

I miss you all. I love both here and there.
-Michelle

Sick of just going through the motions.

Everything in me screams for the Lord, but I feel like I am just walking through the motions. Walking through just trying to keep my pace with here in Germany. Trying to stay in tune with this language and culture. Trying to keep up with all of my school work, home life, clubs, talking to everyone back home, and then at the end of the day I forget or am so exhausted that I don't get in my word.... or when I am in it I just feel like I am reading words.

I want so badly to just say that I can just jump up and tell people that the Lord is the Way. Where is the person that was so ready to jump out of the comfort zone? I just didn't realize how exhausting this life really is, and how much life really starts to take a toll on you.

Where is the person that would take the world by her hands, and say that Jesus is still here? God I haven't stopped believing in You. Will you please take out the fear of man: the fear of people, and what they will say about my love for you, please God take that away from my heart. Let me just fear who you are! God, I just want to stay in the presence of who you are.

-Exhausted. With a lot of homework left to do.
Michelle

Reunification Day and Thanksgiving.

Yeah, this weekend was full of simple holidays. But I just think it is really cool. I'm glad that I payed attention in school because I knew what all of the history was for the Reunification day, but I had no clue about thanksgiving.

With that came that no stores were open so we had to make homemade bread two days in a row, which I am most definiately not complaining about. Really excited about what is next to come on this journey, and ready to just sore high on wings like eagles!

Did you know that an eagle in Germany is a Porcupine? Hahaha. Cool Germany stories that I will have for the rest of my life! I love this place, and I hope to come back for a semster or so in college. I am totally honored that Germany would let me come to her, and that she would call me one of her own.

Michelle

Chemie zu Hause. :)

There is yeast in wine, and that combined with the juice, sugar, and chemical thing produce CO2 which comes out of this thingy that is located on top of our wine globe.

The beginning of apple wine. Looks gross, huh?

All our supplies. :)

A page in our little book that says, "The little Wine labortory."

The recepie. :)

I have to say that my love for Chemistry is just growing here while I am on this journey. It's such a cool thing, and it is part of your everyday life. How cool is that?

So today I got up pretty late, had coffee, and an applesorle with Oma and Opa, and then I spent the rest of my afternoon in the kitchen with Rolf, Doris, and for a little while Maike. (She had music practice today.) Yeah, so I spent a lot of time sitting pealing apples. Over fifty apples have come and gone from us today. Some for an apple cake, which is absolutely yummy. Then we need 12 Liters of fresh apple juice for the wine we made today.

I've never made wine before so this was totally cool. And on top of that I did realize how much Chemistry these wine makers needed to produce their wine. After you have gone through the pealing, cutting, and juicing of the apples, you must put in Vitamin C so that it isn't that nasty brown color, and then you must also calculate how acidic the apple juice is. And honestly, it wasn't. So we had to put 40 grams of this chemical in the wine to make it acidic. We had to zero out the scale just like in Chemistry.

And before you can do that, you must calculate how much of this chemical you need for every liter of wine you have. HOW COOL! (I got to use my calculater to do this by the way.)
Totally cool and new experience. Now I have to wait until Christmas to see the finished product.

Just thought I'd tell you our new adventure of the day. Remember to always try things, you never know how much joy you'll get from learning something new. :)
In Him,
Michelle