Everyone has their days, right? Their days when they think, "Wait, how did I get here? ...or... Is this REALLY what I want? ...or... I just want to be in your will, Lord. I want to be okay with the calling you've placed in my life now."
If not everyone, I know about once every two weeks I go through the cycle of just brokenness and pain from being so uncontent with what the Lord has called me to. For saying, God I don't want to do this. When I think of this cycle I see a two year old who wants maybe a piece of candy, but mommy and/or daddy says no. The anger of how much they want it... they cry, and cry, and cry, and then they do something so beautiful, they reach up and look into your face with tears in their eyes. They are now crying out for you to hold them not because they didn't get their candy, but because their feelings are hurt.
Amazing. Sometimes, I feel the same way. God calls us to things in life that absolutely can shake everything in us that is human. AND PRAISE GOD THAT HE DOES! It is beautiful that God doesn't want us to live in the same place, and protects us from what we think is really good for us. Praise God that He holds us, even when He tells us, "No, you can't have that." He loves on us, and gives us the satisfaction of His love in replace of our desires. He loves us through our desires, and praise the God who loves me even when I get my feelings hurt. Praise that God.
I am proud to be a Christ following believer.
I still am sticking to my promise, and I am pushing through disappoint, loneliness, exhaustion, and being uncomfortable.
Determined to push through,
Michelle.
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