Just burdened.

My burden is probably from what I am not doing. I am not living a life of boldness here in Germany. I am so scared of what people will think: FEAR OF MAN, and I am so concerned that I will be looked down upon, or that I'll just be shunned for my beliefs, or for my views.

But something I am seeing is that here in Germany, it is so okay to tell people what you think. How you think to, or why you think it. People want to hear your opinions for the chance that maybe your opinions will change, but then I began to think.... if they want my opinions to change, could they also be looking for their own opinions too?

Could they be searching for what is true, and honest, and the real love that know one can provide. Maybe the reason I am being called to be stripped from so many things right now is simply because that is a testimony in itself.... a testimony that you can live a joyful and content life without alcohol, with out a boyfriend, without going to "parties." Could it be that this is no punishment, but it is making me look and become more like Christ?

I have been reading in Joshua recently, after recieving a blessing of a scripture from the first chapter. I really just see God showing me the boldness of Joshua, and the way people listened to him. But not just that, they way he listened to the LORD. The way he "fell FACEDOWN" from recieving the command of the Lord. I want to live a radical life like the life that Joshua lived. The humbleness of knowing that the Lord is there.

Lord, renew me. Make me clean. Let me serve and love people like you have called me to. Teach me to be the open and vulnerable person that you've called me to. God, let me walk in the freedom that I keep telling people about. When I am just scared to do or say something you've called me to, give me peace. God, I have the fear of man here, and I repent of that. I ask that you would show up in the middle of my fears. Lord, do with me what you want. Bring me to be the person that glorifies your name always. I repent that I am not in my word like I should be. Remind me that the Word is my defense in the middle of the struggle. Give me your strength to complete your mission, and the wisdom to know how to say something, when to say, or when to just shut up and serve. I claim that better things have yet to come in this city, and ask that you would begin to burn a fire here. Let it ignite, and I pray that you would keep it burning. Praise the Lord who saved me from myself.

In Him,
Amen.