You will both be blind for ten minutes.

So as you probably have noticed we do group activities here that make you think and challenge your brain as to why the heck you're doing something. Kind of like things they some times give us to do at camp for those of you who go to Trinity.

Last night in small group we were paired with another member of the group and had to lead them around where ever we wanted. The catch though was that they had to keep their eyes closed, and you weren't suppose to talk. I was an epic failure at the no talking, but I think you guys understand that I just can't be quiet in awkward situations. Ha.

It was cool though because Joy asked me what do you think this has to do with host families? I was like I have no clue! And then when we got done with the activity we talked it through. And it was pretty evident what it had to do with. You have to trust that the person leading you is watching out for you and making sure that you're not going to get hurt and the like. And then with the leading it's you're responsible for these people. It's really neat concept.

But class just started and I must do a research project. Chow. :)

"Brothers, or michelle..."

Brothers, and have you completely forgotten this word of encouragment that addresses you as children? It says,

,,My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord diciplines those he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child."
-Hebrew 12:5-8

This past week has been full of mixed emotions, and the lack of reading my Word. I let myself be distracted by something that I was warned to pray against. And sure enough when I let my guard down, and stopped waking up to read and have some kind of alone time, I was hit hard. I take blame for my actions because it has been something I have watched completely unfold before my eyes; I saw it coming.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. -Romans 7:15

We were all hanging out this weekend and the situation exploded all over me, and then I made it worse. I'm being vague so my heart is protected, and because the details don't really matter in this situation. It's the concept that matters more than anything. Does that make sense? (That's a Phillips line.) I was then hanging out when the question was prosed to me by a fellow Christ follower. She didn't know my deep struggle, and just found out today. All she said though was, ,,What are you doing?" It hit me, and brought me back to reality.

We and another girl sat and had our Sunday bible study this morning, and my heart was and still is blessed by just being able to be vulnerable and transparent with these two GIRLS. I was able to tell them both my struggle, and they were a beautiful picture of love and grace. They told me they loved me, and as hard as it was for them to watch they knew I needed it to happen just like it did this weekend because it put me back in my place. We sat and read verses for an hour and then prayed over eachother, our families, our host families, and personal situations. It was outside where everyone could see us, and for some reason that was encouraging.

They loved me in the midst of acting a fool, and reminded me that I don't really want what I was seeking and persuing. This is a continuous journey, and I blessed and honored that God gave me both of these girls. They are an answered prayer.

To those of you who have been and are praying for me I'm humbled and greatly encouraged that you are. Pray for the hearts of my guest family and for mine too that we'll become a family and that we'll communicate in the good and bad. My personal goal this year is that God will fill the desires of my heart. I will look to Him for my self-esteem, for love, and for comfort.

I'm excited for the journey to come, and the destination when I finally get through the journey.

Thought for the day:
Love is not a fight, but something worth fighting for.
And!
Ich brauch ein Freund nicht.
(I don't NEED a boyfriend.)

Geh weg! Du stinkst!

I've offically been ,,pimped." I had a crash course in pick up and rejection lines today in class. It was the best thing ever. Hahaha. :)

This week has flown by, and sadly I really haven't noticed that I haven't kept up well with my blog or emails. It just hasn't been the most important thing. And I do apologize for that.

I'm learning about communication, and I do believe that I've already told you guys that. I am also seeing my self in a new light. I'm weak. I can't do this alone. But in another word, don't think that I'm sad or upset. I'm having a blast, but I am seeing things that normally I wouldn't see as attacks or the like from the enemy for weeks. I see the importance of knowing why you dress a certain way. Or why you have certain standards.

We had a girl talk yesterday, and they basically told us if we decide to date a boy and we've been dating them long enough, and we WANT to have sex that we could. They said have safe sex for sure, but that it was perfectly okay to. My heart began to ache.

I haven't been in my word in a few days because I've been destracted just by things here, and by life. Some of you who I shared with before I left will understand this statement completely, and I want you to know that I'm torn. I know what to do. And I know if I go the other way that I'm sinning. (Thank you to Amanda for that light this summer.)

I am starting to see why I'm here, but there are times that yes I do feel lonely. And there are times that I want to bathe for more than five minutes. If you come over here you will learn you DON'T bathe in the mornings because you will freeze. Standards get annoying when no one here has them, and when you find out that things here really ARE different.

I'm sticking to my standards. I'm starting to clear my head and really see what I want, and in reality it's not what is here...that goes back to the distraction by the the way. This is some what in code, and partly because I'm disappointed in myself. I didn't do anything horrific, but still that fact that I was told it would happen and didn't think much about it kind of makes it sting now that it's reality.

I do see the light in this situation though, and praise God that I see I really don't want what is offered. I like not wearing revealing clothes, and I like not wanting to ,,give myself away", and I also like not wanting to use the language that some people have picked up on. I like that I don't understand all the jokes, and I praise my God that my heart and head are still being guarded and protected. I like that drinking still scares the crap out of me, and that I want to do it in safe places. My heart is encouraged because God is still with me, and He is still the Lord of my life even when nothing makes much sense, and all that you are fed is carbohydrates. :)

God never leaves me or forsakes me.
The Lord MY GOD is with ME. HE take great delight in ME. He comforts me WITH LOVE, and delights over me with singing.
The cry of my heart is that Germany will see that the God that the acknowledge on Christmas and Easter is still alive and wants to love them.

Thought for the day:
Women want to be chased, and sought after, and longed for. And women were created in the image of God just like man was. We were created for man as his helper.

With that said, God wants to be chased, sought after and longed for.





My name is Michelle Engelke, and I fell asleep outside at the tables last night looking at the moon and city lights. Jesus Christ is the Lord of my life, and I don't serve Him like I should.

Praise the Lord, Electrons!

That's exactly what the painting read in the cathedral I went to yesterday. The cute little monk said it, and it was adorable.

I'm learning a lot about myself, and some of it's good to know. It's negative, but good. I also am enjoying life here. I'm tired because I've had two late nights in a row, and tonight I really just need to sleep.

I think I might go and walk through the vineyards later.
Oh and I'm a princess. It's about time I go through this phase. I think it's the watch.

I have so much more to say, but i can't think of the words. I'm sorry guys I'm just tired. hahaha.
We finally ate schnitzel. :)

And class was fun today. I'm off to go find trouble. :) Chow.

It was just a 2 Corinthians 4:16 kind of day.

,,Though outwardly you are wasting away, inwardly you are being renewed day by day."

I didn't have a very good day yesterday, and really no one in my wohnung did. I think we all hit the part of the journey where the new wears off and reality sinks in, and the coolest part was that we all were with each other as we cried together, and we encouraged eachother. It was a beautiful thing.

My heart was encouraged this morning after being so frustrated with classes, people, and just ,,becoming German," because I got to the mirror to start getting somewhat ready for a ,,new day" when that verse popped into my head. It was God. That's the only thing I can say. It was. It is, and He lives.

I was having problems with speaking in German, and being scared of being corrected, but I'm learning that corrections make me not SOUND as stupid. Which in the end makes for a better experience. I even went as far today in morning class to describe the movie we're about to watch in German to Maik, and he said yes you're right.

I met this cute little German girl today who use to attend school here at Schloss Hansenberg, and her English was really good. But then she brought in her friend who only speaks German and hasn't met a forgiener before so we instantly had a common bond that we didn't want to be made fun of and I tried to speak German for her, and she helped me when I struggled with it, and then I helped her with her English.

God has encouraged my heart, and given me a hope and a future that I am where I am suppose to be even though last night the only thing I wanted to do was give up and go home. I might not really know these people here, but by the end of this journey I will never take back their friendship because we have a common bond and that is that our hearts and emotions are going crazy. We go from laughing to crying instantly and from homesick to curious in just moments. We don't have to explain the need for a hug or the need for a talk, we just do it.

It's something that unless you are here I don't think it'll ever make complete sense, but I'm telling you with the words and with my fingers typing them: THIS WILL BE WORTH IT. And because of the people I've met her I've changed. I promise you that.

The Lord is good, and my heart is still together. Fun thought for the day: ,,Absense makes the heart grow fonder."

I really am an easy target.

Even the Germans enjoy making fun and picking on me, so don't think for two seconds I've missed out on that side of life!

We did this thing where we're learning culture, and we spent like two hours yesterday talking about observing before you judge, and it's not wrong it's just different, and the like. And then they paired us off into boys and girls, and we ,,took a journey" together.

I won't go into describing what happened because it really wigged me out, and I think it would have been worse if I wasn't with Maik, my teacher, and Kath, my teamer. I did judge before I observed, and I was frankly pissed and really upset by the end of the excerise. It goes to show that culture shock is fast and real, and they were trying to simulate just that.

I had to go back and apologize to Kath and Maik because I was so embarassed that I was really rude to them, but I learned the lesson, and saw what they were trying to do. I guess the rule of thumb is still out in the open: Expect the unexpected.

Off to go brush my teeth so I don't have to taste this vinegar from lunch. :\

Vineyards at night with city light all around.

I'm going to start out with a thank you. I am able to report that with the prayers, Kath and the teamers not letting me leave my Wohnung, and only being able to eat carbs I'm healthy again, and I'm watching how much of different things I'm putting into my mouth.

My Wohnung is a mess, and I need to do laundry so so badly. The washing machines are like mini in relation to the American ones. They're super cute. :)

I want all the Trinity gang to know that I have whooped some tail in Tisch Fußball...fußball is what y'all call it. Turns out you tend to get better when that's all you have to do in your free time. Hahaha. I'm sad to hear about all your wrecks and storms. I send my concern and a wonderful hug.

A few days ago we had this challenge here at the Schloss where we were given an egg and 4 1/2 hours to trade up for the egg. So we took ourselves with our little German knowledge and hit the town. Not only did we get all this random stuff, but I have to say I made the best freaking memories that day. Madaline, Caty, Andrew, and I were in a group and in the end we ended up trading our egg for a Jacob, and yes this is a person. He's 15 1/2 and we were talking to his Oma telling her what we were doing, and she invited us in for juice and plums and cookies. It was the sweetest time we have had yet!

The cool part though was that we cherish Jacob, but we also recieved two bottles of wine and a bottle of champiane in the process of trading up from our egg. So now I have a really nice gift to give my host mom for her birthday.

I went to Charley's pub on Friday night with all the CBYX students, and we had a blast, and I enjoyed dancing and drinking my cola. Haha. Then we took a trip down the Rhine River on Saturday. I ate a bite of Döner which was amazing. Mucho yummy. :)

We went out last night too, and that was fun. I tripped on the grape vines coming back up from the vineyard. I decided not the walk 45 minutes to church this morning, but I'm about to go have a bible study with the girls in my wohnung.

1. Know that I miss you so much. You picture is in my room. :)
2. You've been on my mind. I hope you're doing alright.
3. When I told the teamers why I wore your "ring" as the called it around my neck, they cried. Serious tears in Kath and Anna's eyes, and they said you've got good friends.
4. They tell me I'm cute here and the love my facial expressions.

I miss you all. How's Red R fool?
Siest du später!
:)