Resting in the Oasis.

"JESUS answered, 'Everyone who drinks this (well) water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" -John 4: 13-14

The long tension of confusion and fear finally did me in last night. After an absolutely wonderful day with my host family full of laughter and stories of Maike's first years. But still there was something missing, and that something was deep in my heart. Was missing, and there was a confusion like I can't describe.

After realizing that there was something spiritually really going on in my head and heart, I decided to call people that have had huge spiritual influence in my life. And I continued to call people until the third one timidly answered his phone. (The out of country numbers are pretty intimidating.) None the less, I was able to cut up with him for a minute, and catch up, and have a good time, but still, being the person he is, he realized that something was up, and began to ask questions. It didn't take long until I had poured my guts out with huge tears and imperfect English.

My loving brother and mentor of so many years in Christ, openly told me that I was just believing so many lies from the enemy. Lies that make no sense. Blunt, bold faced lies. Lies that my God doesn't love me. That if I sin I can't pray. Lies that have caused heart-wrenching pain, along with confusion in what I stand for as a person. And I just had to get it out. Not only did my brother tell me the load of lies that I was believing; he also prayed over me, and spoke a word over my life that came directly from my God, my Father, my Savior:

"Michelle, I am so proud of you, and I love you tremendously. I need you to relax, and just trust me. You won't understand what I am doing, and you won't figure it out. Just trust me."


I began to feel an overwhelming peace that came across my body and heard, "The peace you feel is me wrapping you like a baby up in my arms. Just trust me. I haven't left you, even though you feel alone. You are making a difference for my kingdom in Germany, Michelle. Just trust me."

At the end of the conversation my mentor told me, "Baby girl, you're in a desert, but tonight you just experienced an oasis. Your God knows you can't go another step, and he's just going to sit down and rest with you tonight. You're not done in this desert, but don't forget that this is preparing you for what's next to come. Something you don't know, but in some way, will be used."

Even though there's a little negative side to the reality in this story, that I am in the desert desperate for water, shade, and rest, I'm ready to continue the journey. Ready to see that I will come out of this desert alive in one peace because I serve a faithful, righteous, and holy God. My heart is overjoyed with the love of my Savior who knows when I just can't go any more. Who is the breath of my life.

Resting in my oasis,
-Michelle

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit and his worshiper must worship in the Spirit and in truth." John 4: 23-24