Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when I get back home because reality is: I'm not going back to the same life that I had. That's just the way it is. I am here in this place, and every one here has a story... that everyone knows. Like we all do in Southaven. It comes with having a little home town.
But it's like I wonder if things, friendships, and such are still there. I know some are... but then some of me has no clue what is going to come out of "coming home". Who will be there when I arrive on the 21st? Or will I even be able to say anything in English... that makes sense? Or will I be so sad?
This is the first time in my life that in my heart, I really have no desires. I don't know anything that my heart wants. It's like I can't think it through. Lie. I know what I want haha.
But really... I'll be back in church. I'll see people and meet people for the first time, and I'll start again at zero. (I mean that in the way that when I left the states I knew no one in Germany, and then I worked on meeting people and the language, and now things are rolling right along here in the big G-land. And I will have to do that again, but just in reverse for the states.)
I still love this place. It's still where I want to stay, there's just a voice in the back of my head reminding me that it's almost over, and life goes on. Time flies way to fast in my opinion. I have a fear of man.... I hope I fit in still when I get back to the states.
Don't worry about fitting in. (:
ReplyDeleteI'll still be here. Our friendship was definitely made to last separations. I may not be right down the street, but I can make a trip back for a good friend. I'm praying for you.
God has been revealing such beautiful things to me since I've been in Oxford, and I understand the starting at zero concept. I had to do that. I still haven't gotten very far. I think it's all a lesson in being content with the Lord. I forget to talk to Him a lot, so I tend to be unsatisfied, but I know that things will eventually become clear and just fall into place. He has blessed me with unbelievable professors, and I know that when you get home He'll place you in the ideal circumstances to further cultivate your faith. I also bet you have friends in Germany that can endure distance. Some people are just made that way. (:
I'll do my best to be here for you when you get back to the states. If I can't understand you, I'll have to go get Rosetta Stone. Haha. (: