I am starting to wake up from this blur, and realize that this IS my life. This IS exactly where I am suppose to be. I am honored by that. The Lord is putting me exactly in the places that I need to be in, with the people I need to minister to, with Him always by my side.
I felt for so long like I was such a failure. I felt like the last thing I was doing was giving my God the glory in everything I do. Here, I am facing things and struggling with things that I've never really had a problem with. Having to realize that the Lord is telling me to do, or not to do things for HIS glory, and for the purposes that He already has planned. I haven't lived up to exactly what He wants me to do, and I've shed more than a few tears over how tight my clothes are.
But the one thing I keep learning is that my God thinks I am beautiful, smart, and He IS going to use me here. I have confidence in that. I have confidence that the Lord has a purpose for my heart here in this country, but not only for me to learn. He also calls me to action. You never learn something in school, and then don't have homework on it the same night, and sometimes for the whole week or so. Basically until the "theme" is done. Here, it's the same concept. My God is starting to open up doors to minister to these beautiful people: my classmates. my friends. my peers. my family. my other family back home. people that I just meet on the street. the homeless. I am testifying now that I want to make God proud of me, everyone else just doesn't matter any more.
It's flattering to make other people proud, but this is my God; To Him, I am His BELOVED, His Daughter, His Darling, His pride and joy. I want to make Him proud.
I have a new situation that I ask for prayer for as I go about talking to a girl here about my beliefs and why I do or don't do in the things I do or, again, don't do. The Lord has seriously flung doors right open. So glorious.
Bring yourself glory here in this city. In this country. Burn your fire through here. Leave an everlasting impression on this place. God, I don't want to go back to the States until you've finished you purpose for me here at home. Take away my fears, put German words in my mouth, let me speak with clearity. I ask for wisdom. Provide your ministry here in this place. I thank you for the church you've given me, the fellow believers, the family, the friends, and this life. I praise you for letting me live my dream. Put that radical in me. Loving on this city! Amen.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Caleely of Achor a door of hope. There she will respnmd as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up of our Egypt." -Hosea 2:14-15
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