Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Swimming without my floaties.

I was told once that I should be a philosopher because I ask so many questions. My heart is so heavy with just the desire to know what, where, when, why, and how. I mean, we are taught to pick out the five important questions in every passage that we read, to think critically, and choose our decisions wisely all throughout our high school careers.

But in church we are taught not to ask those questions really. I mean a little... to think critically..yeah, and to make wise decisions of course! But the what, where, when, why, and how... we are kind of taught to throw those out of the window. To just "go where God is calling us", to "trust in Him alone".

I apologize now that my thoughts are so twisted. I seem to be lost in America, with the decisions that I really should be making, that can change the out come of the rest of my life. To be honest, the thought of really making those decisions scares the living mess out of me. I left a seventeen year old little girl, and came back an eighteen year old "adult".... but as an "adult" speaking, I don't know what I want. Where I want to go, why I want to go there, when I want to get there, or how I want to succeed in doing it. I have no clue. None what so ever, and I have know clue where this journey is taking me.

I feel a little lost, swimming in the deep end without my floaties. I miss when I could show off and stand on my knees in the shallow end, and still have my head above water. I want to put the lessons of schredding water to use, but in the midst of all of the thoughts, I have forgotten the way it goes... how to get started.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The lesson of my life....

I think even as I am coming home, and readjusting to life, I am still learning how to love. But I think too this past year has also taught me how to forgive. Not those, "I forgive you"s where you just say it, but what it truly means.
I also see a ton of anger from how much life has not changed in some aspects here, but maybe I will learn to forgive those situations too... with time.

"You will never be who you were again." -Audra Watson.

As I was looking for a significant "forgiveness quote", I realized that love and forgiveness have a ton of things in common. They are closely related, and go hand in hand which is a good "AH HA" moment for me.


Friday, June 4, 2010

Life in a suitcase?

Remind me next time, not to get so comfortable in one place; or let me go, and live all over the world.

That would be nice, living out of a suitcase. ;)