How can you breathe? Baby, tell me how you love me now. Tell me how can you sleep? How can you breathe? I hate how you say you love me now. Woah Wo... a..oh.. :)
I know that people told me this would be the best thing of my life, but some times I forget that they also said it would be hard. This is just one of those nights where I am sitting here thinking, which is never good. Questions keep tossing and turning in my head, and it's like I know that it's dumb and I do want this, but tonight I just keep asking if this is really what I wanted?
Am I really strong enough for this place? I really don't see that I will EVER be "strong" enough for this place, and distance from my God has never been so far. Everything in me is bound to make it through this year, and become someone new. Become and new woman, ready to know exactly what I want to live in this life, and whom for. I already know part of that sentence. Jesus.
But then I think I could be safe and sound in my bed in the states. I could be living a normal "senior year" this year, and seeing if things would work out with the people I miss the most. I hate that I miss some so much, might I add. But it seems like you never realize the ones you'll really miss until you're gone. So it that in life, huh?
I just want this year to mean something; to matter at the end of the day. I want it to be something that at the end, I say, "Look at what you have accomplished." But NOT just that... but I want to hear, "Look what I have accomplished in your life, character, and who you are." from my Lord. My goal at the end of the day countines to be to make my God proud, even if I "stick out like a sore thumb."
But can I ask you a question? Of course other than the previous sentence. How much would you endure for the glory of your God? I don't want any of those stupid, and yes i said STUPID, (get over it) sunday school answers. I'm sick of those "right" answers. I want honest answers. How far would you go for the God you serve?
Do you really believe all the promises that His Word says? That He'll never leave you? That you're going to make it through the next storm? That you're going to become stronger at the end of everything that you're living right now? Do you really believe that He died for you, and paid all your sins at the cross, and that all you have to do is say "God, I need your Son's blood to cover my life, my heart." To say that no matter what happens, no matter where you lead me, and what trails and tests I fail, I am still going to pick myself up, and say, "I am yours; You are mine.... I give my life away, and leave it all behind" to give you more glory.
Honestly, I am seeing that my "faith" was nothing more than listening and doing exactly what people said. This life is HARD. There is nothing easy about loving people who think totally differently about this life. Do I really believe all His promises? I can't say that I honestly do, but wait. I do believe. I do. But somewhere in this I've forgotten what it is that my Lord really has done for me. What His word says; That He is always here. He's not leaving, and His ways are guided for me.
Do I always think I am going to make it out of my struggles? Absolutely not. I look at things here, and I think all the time that I am seeing the wicked and disgusting sinful nature of myself. I will take on Paul for that "worst of all sinners" place. My heart is filthy.
He'll never leave you? I've never felt so alone. He's here; I know He is, I just can't seem to find Him. I've lost Him in this crowd; His voice is so hard to hear. I just need to hear His voice one again, I need Him to hold me again. I need His touch. I need Him, but I know He is here. I've just got to keep calling His name, or listen harder for Him to call mine.
Sometimes, it's like the storm never ends, and I don't think my heart will ever be whole. I feel like the tree blowing around in the wind. Whipping and binding, praying that my roots are strong enough to withstand this life. I know I'll be different, but "better" I have no clue about that.
God,
I know you've died for me on Calvery. I know that you have a plan for this life of mine. I admit to you that my heart is filthy, wicked, and so sinful. God I just want You to be near. Please, hold me tonight. Come and shine your light...."Your light will shine when all else fails." Make your Son's blood become more than reality. Let me fall in love with You once again. Bring yourself glory in the midst of everything you are putting into my life. Give me strength in the struggle, and help me to learn how to fight these battles. I want to be the warrior that You have called me to be. Let me be a light for your nations. Come close, and hold my heart?
Desperite for You,
Amen.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Lord, let your glory fall.
I am starting to wake up from this blur, and realize that this IS my life. This IS exactly where I am suppose to be. I am honored by that. The Lord is putting me exactly in the places that I need to be in, with the people I need to minister to, with Him always by my side.
I felt for so long like I was such a failure. I felt like the last thing I was doing was giving my God the glory in everything I do. Here, I am facing things and struggling with things that I've never really had a problem with. Having to realize that the Lord is telling me to do, or not to do things for HIS glory, and for the purposes that He already has planned. I haven't lived up to exactly what He wants me to do, and I've shed more than a few tears over how tight my clothes are.
But the one thing I keep learning is that my God thinks I am beautiful, smart, and He IS going to use me here. I have confidence in that. I have confidence that the Lord has a purpose for my heart here in this country, but not only for me to learn. He also calls me to action. You never learn something in school, and then don't have homework on it the same night, and sometimes for the whole week or so. Basically until the "theme" is done. Here, it's the same concept. My God is starting to open up doors to minister to these beautiful people: my classmates. my friends. my peers. my family. my other family back home. people that I just meet on the street. the homeless. I am testifying now that I want to make God proud of me, everyone else just doesn't matter any more.
It's flattering to make other people proud, but this is my God; To Him, I am His BELOVED, His Daughter, His Darling, His pride and joy. I want to make Him proud.
I have a new situation that I ask for prayer for as I go about talking to a girl here about my beliefs and why I do or don't do in the things I do or, again, don't do. The Lord has seriously flung doors right open. So glorious.
Bring yourself glory here in this city. In this country. Burn your fire through here. Leave an everlasting impression on this place. God, I don't want to go back to the States until you've finished you purpose for me here at home. Take away my fears, put German words in my mouth, let me speak with clearity. I ask for wisdom. Provide your ministry here in this place. I thank you for the church you've given me, the fellow believers, the family, the friends, and this life. I praise you for letting me live my dream. Put that radical in me. Loving on this city! Amen.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Caleely of Achor a door of hope. There she will respnmd as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up of our Egypt." -Hosea 2:14-15
I felt for so long like I was such a failure. I felt like the last thing I was doing was giving my God the glory in everything I do. Here, I am facing things and struggling with things that I've never really had a problem with. Having to realize that the Lord is telling me to do, or not to do things for HIS glory, and for the purposes that He already has planned. I haven't lived up to exactly what He wants me to do, and I've shed more than a few tears over how tight my clothes are.
But the one thing I keep learning is that my God thinks I am beautiful, smart, and He IS going to use me here. I have confidence in that. I have confidence that the Lord has a purpose for my heart here in this country, but not only for me to learn. He also calls me to action. You never learn something in school, and then don't have homework on it the same night, and sometimes for the whole week or so. Basically until the "theme" is done. Here, it's the same concept. My God is starting to open up doors to minister to these beautiful people: my classmates. my friends. my peers. my family. my other family back home. people that I just meet on the street. the homeless. I am testifying now that I want to make God proud of me, everyone else just doesn't matter any more.
It's flattering to make other people proud, but this is my God; To Him, I am His BELOVED, His Daughter, His Darling, His pride and joy. I want to make Him proud.
I have a new situation that I ask for prayer for as I go about talking to a girl here about my beliefs and why I do or don't do in the things I do or, again, don't do. The Lord has seriously flung doors right open. So glorious.
Bring yourself glory here in this city. In this country. Burn your fire through here. Leave an everlasting impression on this place. God, I don't want to go back to the States until you've finished you purpose for me here at home. Take away my fears, put German words in my mouth, let me speak with clearity. I ask for wisdom. Provide your ministry here in this place. I thank you for the church you've given me, the fellow believers, the family, the friends, and this life. I praise you for letting me live my dream. Put that radical in me. Loving on this city! Amen.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Caleely of Achor a door of hope. There she will respnmd as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up of our Egypt." -Hosea 2:14-15
Monday, November 2, 2009
Five Hours of Sleep, Seven Hours of School, and Six More Hours of Only Doing Homework.
...and people wonder why I stay so sick!
So today I woke up totally exhausted just from the weekend, and just finally starting to really get over this cold or whatever the heck it is. I get up, excited that I will once again be able to go to school. And that is when it all began.
It started out as a normal day. After getting ready for school, I went to stairs to meet the family for breakfast. We ate, and then sad our good-byes, with Doris giving us all a great goodluck wish for the beginning of our week. Rolf, Maike, and I start for the car, like every school/work day, and make it there totally fine. We get into the car, and start on our journey for the beginning of November when all of the sudden we hear from the back seat, "I forgot my folder."
Maike had a presentation today, and it was in THAT folder nonetheless. So, we decide that we have enough time, and turn around. Maike quickly runs to the house, unlocks the door, and then goes inside frantically looking for her beloved, and much needed folder.
In the mean time, Rolf and I attend to talking a little bit of small talk while we sat in the car waiting "paitently" for Maike to return to us. Out of no where comes this dart of black, which of course would be none other than the notorious, JULIA, our dog. I jump out of the car, after first safely opening the door, but I was not quick enough. Sadly, Julia was gone. It is sure a good thing that we have a Doris, who did not have to go to work today, so she got Julia, and we left once again to start our day.
Once Maike and I arrive to the school we naturally start talking about how today is just so crazy, and it has just begun. Then my backpack, which might I add was COMPLETELY zipped, just opened up on its own as we were walking to the school building.
"Maike," I said a bit astonished that one more thing could happen, "my backpack is open."
"Yeah, all the pocket are undone. I will fix it," she said in reply.
We both decided that once again today would be a weird day.
So I go to first and second period, Politic, and nothing really happens. Just kind of chilled through the day, until I got to Math and had to do lovely graphs. Here they use compasses and geotriags for pretty much everything in Math, both of which I do not what-so-ever know how to use. When the class and teacher found out I did not know how to work such contraptions, we had a good five to seven minute lecture about how the Germans knew something the Americans did not....as if I am not in the room?
And then after that, I wonderful couple of girls taught me how these two things functioned. (Now it is really not as hard as you might think to draw a perfect circle graph by hand!)
Then it was off to German class where I got my test back. It had more read ink than blue, and we will leave German class with that. Lunch was not anything so special. Just the German kids talking about different American tv shows that I should watch. I found it just a little bit funny.
Then Biology, oh, Biology.... The class was not so bad, but after, now there is where the story begins. So I was sick last week, as most of you know, so I did not receive my grade for the first quarter of the year. I stay after class as requested with another girl, and received the following for a grade.
"You are too quiet. I speak very good English, answer in English when you need to, but answer something. (Every response I said back was IN GERMAN.) And, Michelle, you are sick way too much. Why?"
"Uh... that is a question I really want answered myself. No idea."
"You just cannot miss this much school. Well what do you have?"
"Again I am really not sure. A cold or something close to it. You know, migrans, upset stomach, sore throat, runny nose, stopped up sinuses, and this past time, I threw up. I am just simply exhausted by the end of it all, and so I just sleep. There is no chance of getting out of bed, and I seriously just sleep it off."
"Well, are you pregnant?"
I finished out today, by doing homework up until I wrote this blog. It is almost midnight, and now I am going to bed. I hope you enjoyed today! Praise God for his humor! :)
So today I woke up totally exhausted just from the weekend, and just finally starting to really get over this cold or whatever the heck it is. I get up, excited that I will once again be able to go to school. And that is when it all began.
It started out as a normal day. After getting ready for school, I went to stairs to meet the family for breakfast. We ate, and then sad our good-byes, with Doris giving us all a great goodluck wish for the beginning of our week. Rolf, Maike, and I start for the car, like every school/work day, and make it there totally fine. We get into the car, and start on our journey for the beginning of November when all of the sudden we hear from the back seat, "I forgot my folder."
Maike had a presentation today, and it was in THAT folder nonetheless. So, we decide that we have enough time, and turn around. Maike quickly runs to the house, unlocks the door, and then goes inside frantically looking for her beloved, and much needed folder.
In the mean time, Rolf and I attend to talking a little bit of small talk while we sat in the car waiting "paitently" for Maike to return to us. Out of no where comes this dart of black, which of course would be none other than the notorious, JULIA, our dog. I jump out of the car, after first safely opening the door, but I was not quick enough. Sadly, Julia was gone. It is sure a good thing that we have a Doris, who did not have to go to work today, so she got Julia, and we left once again to start our day.
Once Maike and I arrive to the school we naturally start talking about how today is just so crazy, and it has just begun. Then my backpack, which might I add was COMPLETELY zipped, just opened up on its own as we were walking to the school building.
"Maike," I said a bit astonished that one more thing could happen, "my backpack is open."
"Yeah, all the pocket are undone. I will fix it," she said in reply.
We both decided that once again today would be a weird day.
So I go to first and second period, Politic, and nothing really happens. Just kind of chilled through the day, until I got to Math and had to do lovely graphs. Here they use compasses and geotriags for pretty much everything in Math, both of which I do not what-so-ever know how to use. When the class and teacher found out I did not know how to work such contraptions, we had a good five to seven minute lecture about how the Germans knew something the Americans did not....as if I am not in the room?
And then after that, I wonderful couple of girls taught me how these two things functioned. (Now it is really not as hard as you might think to draw a perfect circle graph by hand!)
Then it was off to German class where I got my test back. It had more read ink than blue, and we will leave German class with that. Lunch was not anything so special. Just the German kids talking about different American tv shows that I should watch. I found it just a little bit funny.
Then Biology, oh, Biology.... The class was not so bad, but after, now there is where the story begins. So I was sick last week, as most of you know, so I did not receive my grade for the first quarter of the year. I stay after class as requested with another girl, and received the following for a grade.
"You are too quiet. I speak very good English, answer in English when you need to, but answer something. (Every response I said back was IN GERMAN.) And, Michelle, you are sick way too much. Why?"
"Uh... that is a question I really want answered myself. No idea."
"You just cannot miss this much school. Well what do you have?"
"Again I am really not sure. A cold or something close to it. You know, migrans, upset stomach, sore throat, runny nose, stopped up sinuses, and this past time, I threw up. I am just simply exhausted by the end of it all, and so I just sleep. There is no chance of getting out of bed, and I seriously just sleep it off."
"Well, are you pregnant?"
I finished out today, by doing homework up until I wrote this blog. It is almost midnight, and now I am going to bed. I hope you enjoyed today! Praise God for his humor! :)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Ein gutes Gottesdienst. (:
Everyone has their days, right? Their days when they think, "Wait, how did I get here? ...or... Is this REALLY what I want? ...or... I just want to be in your will, Lord. I want to be okay with the calling you've placed in my life now."
If not everyone, I know about once every two weeks I go through the cycle of just brokenness and pain from being so uncontent with what the Lord has called me to. For saying, God I don't want to do this. When I think of this cycle I see a two year old who wants maybe a piece of candy, but mommy and/or daddy says no. The anger of how much they want it... they cry, and cry, and cry, and then they do something so beautiful, they reach up and look into your face with tears in their eyes. They are now crying out for you to hold them not because they didn't get their candy, but because their feelings are hurt.
Amazing. Sometimes, I feel the same way. God calls us to things in life that absolutely can shake everything in us that is human. AND PRAISE GOD THAT HE DOES! It is beautiful that God doesn't want us to live in the same place, and protects us from what we think is really good for us. Praise God that He holds us, even when He tells us, "No, you can't have that." He loves on us, and gives us the satisfaction of His love in replace of our desires. He loves us through our desires, and praise the God who loves me even when I get my feelings hurt. Praise that God.
I am proud to be a Christ following believer.
I still am sticking to my promise, and I am pushing through disappoint, loneliness, exhaustion, and being uncomfortable.
Determined to push through,
Michelle.
If not everyone, I know about once every two weeks I go through the cycle of just brokenness and pain from being so uncontent with what the Lord has called me to. For saying, God I don't want to do this. When I think of this cycle I see a two year old who wants maybe a piece of candy, but mommy and/or daddy says no. The anger of how much they want it... they cry, and cry, and cry, and then they do something so beautiful, they reach up and look into your face with tears in their eyes. They are now crying out for you to hold them not because they didn't get their candy, but because their feelings are hurt.
Amazing. Sometimes, I feel the same way. God calls us to things in life that absolutely can shake everything in us that is human. AND PRAISE GOD THAT HE DOES! It is beautiful that God doesn't want us to live in the same place, and protects us from what we think is really good for us. Praise God that He holds us, even when He tells us, "No, you can't have that." He loves on us, and gives us the satisfaction of His love in replace of our desires. He loves us through our desires, and praise the God who loves me even when I get my feelings hurt. Praise that God.
I am proud to be a Christ following believer.
I still am sticking to my promise, and I am pushing through disappoint, loneliness, exhaustion, and being uncomfortable.
Determined to push through,
Michelle.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Just burdened.
My burden is probably from what I am not doing. I am not living a life of boldness here in Germany. I am so scared of what people will think: FEAR OF MAN, and I am so concerned that I will be looked down upon, or that I'll just be shunned for my beliefs, or for my views.
But something I am seeing is that here in Germany, it is so okay to tell people what you think. How you think to, or why you think it. People want to hear your opinions for the chance that maybe your opinions will change, but then I began to think.... if they want my opinions to change, could they also be looking for their own opinions too?
Could they be searching for what is true, and honest, and the real love that know one can provide. Maybe the reason I am being called to be stripped from so many things right now is simply because that is a testimony in itself.... a testimony that you can live a joyful and content life without alcohol, with out a boyfriend, without going to "parties." Could it be that this is no punishment, but it is making me look and become more like Christ?
I have been reading in Joshua recently, after recieving a blessing of a scripture from the first chapter. I really just see God showing me the boldness of Joshua, and the way people listened to him. But not just that, they way he listened to the LORD. The way he "fell FACEDOWN" from recieving the command of the Lord. I want to live a radical life like the life that Joshua lived. The humbleness of knowing that the Lord is there.
Lord, renew me. Make me clean. Let me serve and love people like you have called me to. Teach me to be the open and vulnerable person that you've called me to. God, let me walk in the freedom that I keep telling people about. When I am just scared to do or say something you've called me to, give me peace. God, I have the fear of man here, and I repent of that. I ask that you would show up in the middle of my fears. Lord, do with me what you want. Bring me to be the person that glorifies your name always. I repent that I am not in my word like I should be. Remind me that the Word is my defense in the middle of the struggle. Give me your strength to complete your mission, and the wisdom to know how to say something, when to say, or when to just shut up and serve. I claim that better things have yet to come in this city, and ask that you would begin to burn a fire here. Let it ignite, and I pray that you would keep it burning. Praise the Lord who saved me from myself.
In Him,
Amen.
But something I am seeing is that here in Germany, it is so okay to tell people what you think. How you think to, or why you think it. People want to hear your opinions for the chance that maybe your opinions will change, but then I began to think.... if they want my opinions to change, could they also be looking for their own opinions too?
Could they be searching for what is true, and honest, and the real love that know one can provide. Maybe the reason I am being called to be stripped from so many things right now is simply because that is a testimony in itself.... a testimony that you can live a joyful and content life without alcohol, with out a boyfriend, without going to "parties." Could it be that this is no punishment, but it is making me look and become more like Christ?
I have been reading in Joshua recently, after recieving a blessing of a scripture from the first chapter. I really just see God showing me the boldness of Joshua, and the way people listened to him. But not just that, they way he listened to the LORD. The way he "fell FACEDOWN" from recieving the command of the Lord. I want to live a radical life like the life that Joshua lived. The humbleness of knowing that the Lord is there.
Lord, renew me. Make me clean. Let me serve and love people like you have called me to. Teach me to be the open and vulnerable person that you've called me to. God, let me walk in the freedom that I keep telling people about. When I am just scared to do or say something you've called me to, give me peace. God, I have the fear of man here, and I repent of that. I ask that you would show up in the middle of my fears. Lord, do with me what you want. Bring me to be the person that glorifies your name always. I repent that I am not in my word like I should be. Remind me that the Word is my defense in the middle of the struggle. Give me your strength to complete your mission, and the wisdom to know how to say something, when to say, or when to just shut up and serve. I claim that better things have yet to come in this city, and ask that you would begin to burn a fire here. Let it ignite, and I pray that you would keep it burning. Praise the Lord who saved me from myself.
In Him,
Amen.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Two years ago, I had no idea I'd be here.
Those of you who know me, should know me well enough to know that the title of this message isn't by any means what this blog is about. Sorry guys. I like to keep you on your feet.
So I just want to keep you all updated just with life, and having two weeks of vacation, and all. I am getting to know a new family this week because friends of the family are staying with us through Friday. I am making a new friend with a ten year old named, Kathrine. She is sweet, but is still trying to find her place in her life. I understand that because like her, I too, am the youngest child.
I met Kate's dad through web cam Sunday which was really cool. I am excited about something that I was told. "Not too many 18 year olds can articulate why they want to go to a certain school, but you did a very good job." That was just encouraging. Kate and I just got to sit down and talk about everything from frustrations to the best things we've come to find here in this place. God has blessed me once again with friendship from somewhere I didn't expect it to be. He is such a beautiful God!
I was in another Cathedral today, and I decided to light another candle. This time though, I didn't do it for everyone back home. I have decided that every time I see a candle thing in a Cathedral I am only going to light a candle if I have prayed over that city over that Cathedral over these people here in Germany. I saw a sign today that said, "Rette deine Seele" "Save your soul." Just praying that God gives me another chance on the opportunity I totally walked out on.
I am giving the Lord all of my thoughts. I want all my thoughts to be thoughts that will glorify the Lord of this globe.
I hope all of you know that when I come back I won't be who I was when I left. This is directed at no one. Just listening to a song, and it said, "don't ever change." That's impossible! And now that I am here I am letting the Lord mold me into the person He wants me to be, but sometimes I take control....and then like we have all heard I have to give it back to the Lord.
His plans are so much better. I love you all.
Bis bald.
:)
So I just want to keep you all updated just with life, and having two weeks of vacation, and all. I am getting to know a new family this week because friends of the family are staying with us through Friday. I am making a new friend with a ten year old named, Kathrine. She is sweet, but is still trying to find her place in her life. I understand that because like her, I too, am the youngest child.
I met Kate's dad through web cam Sunday which was really cool. I am excited about something that I was told. "Not too many 18 year olds can articulate why they want to go to a certain school, but you did a very good job." That was just encouraging. Kate and I just got to sit down and talk about everything from frustrations to the best things we've come to find here in this place. God has blessed me once again with friendship from somewhere I didn't expect it to be. He is such a beautiful God!
I was in another Cathedral today, and I decided to light another candle. This time though, I didn't do it for everyone back home. I have decided that every time I see a candle thing in a Cathedral I am only going to light a candle if I have prayed over that city over that Cathedral over these people here in Germany. I saw a sign today that said, "Rette deine Seele" "Save your soul." Just praying that God gives me another chance on the opportunity I totally walked out on.
I am giving the Lord all of my thoughts. I want all my thoughts to be thoughts that will glorify the Lord of this globe.
I hope all of you know that when I come back I won't be who I was when I left. This is directed at no one. Just listening to a song, and it said, "don't ever change." That's impossible! And now that I am here I am letting the Lord mold me into the person He wants me to be, but sometimes I take control....and then like we have all heard I have to give it back to the Lord.
His plans are so much better. I love you all.
Bis bald.
:)
Friday, October 16, 2009
When disappoint comes, I promise to persevere.
Fall break has been a culture lesson after another. It has been exhausting, but so so much fun. I am honored to say that I have gotten to experience the way of worshipping Jesus in German. Really cool.
But it seems every time I begin to look forward to something, it gets pulled from my grips. I am not going to sit here and lie straight through my teeth and tell you that I am not disappointed. I had plans for tomorrow to see a friend of mine, and stuff just kind of came up. And well sadly we can't meet, but I know that in due time we'll see each other again.
And I know that lies in my head will come, but I am making a promise to you now. I am promising that right now I am going to persevere when disappointment comes my way. When I don't know what else I should do, or what I am just exhausted I am making a promise right here that I am going to keep my head up because at the end of all of this. At the end of these experiences, and at the end of being here in this new culture and experiencing so many new things I will be a stronger person. I will be able to say that my God is big even here in Germany.
I will be able to say that thanks to everyone that has helped me through this journey. And I will be fluent in German. I am honored to say that I have been in Germany fastly approaching 3 months. I am so very excited about that. A lot of me wants to stay here in this place. I really do love it here. It's a good thing it's only October, I've got too much to do and see. The Lord has more plans for me, and honestly I don't have a clue what they are, but I know that his plans will put me exactly where I need to be.
Sometimes you have to buy things just to find out that you wasted your money. (That's the thought of the day.)
Love this country. Love these people. Love this language. Still miss home.
Rising above disappointment.
Michelle
But it seems every time I begin to look forward to something, it gets pulled from my grips. I am not going to sit here and lie straight through my teeth and tell you that I am not disappointed. I had plans for tomorrow to see a friend of mine, and stuff just kind of came up. And well sadly we can't meet, but I know that in due time we'll see each other again.
And I know that lies in my head will come, but I am making a promise to you now. I am promising that right now I am going to persevere when disappointment comes my way. When I don't know what else I should do, or what I am just exhausted I am making a promise right here that I am going to keep my head up because at the end of all of this. At the end of these experiences, and at the end of being here in this new culture and experiencing so many new things I will be a stronger person. I will be able to say that my God is big even here in Germany.
I will be able to say that thanks to everyone that has helped me through this journey. And I will be fluent in German. I am honored to say that I have been in Germany fastly approaching 3 months. I am so very excited about that. A lot of me wants to stay here in this place. I really do love it here. It's a good thing it's only October, I've got too much to do and see. The Lord has more plans for me, and honestly I don't have a clue what they are, but I know that his plans will put me exactly where I need to be.
Sometimes you have to buy things just to find out that you wasted your money. (That's the thought of the day.)
Love this country. Love these people. Love this language. Still miss home.
Rising above disappointment.
Michelle
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